Lessons from Life, Parenting, Birth, Abortion, Responsibilities...

This one is rough, and I'm not sure about posting it here, so I'll keep it short, in the hopes it helps others to be aware. My ex and I went through something very similar, almost to 6 months. Previously, I did not think I could handle a child with a major birth defect. We had 2 kids, our living and work situation was very unstable, relationship was unstable, I couldn't feel I could predict where we would be even a few months down the road, etc... but she had always been she'd love her baby no matter what, no matter any disability. When it came down to it, somewhere along the way, we found our daughter yet to be born, had a birth defect, an encephalocele . Her skull had not closed when forming, and her brain was only half inside. She was unlikely to survive birth, or for long if she did, but would likely be permanently and severely disabled, even if she did make it. So when we finally get to this point, all previous thoughts went out the window, and I felt no matter what, if she was strong enough to survive, then I would be strong enough to take care of her. Whatever it took. You think you know, but until you are in that moment.. that's when you know. My ex ALSO had a 180 degree reversal. She decided she could not do it. She was sure, or mostly sure, but time was short. There was a state legal limit for an abortion, and it was fast approaching. We were not married. I had no say. I could only tell her how I felt, as she had once felt, and respect her decision. It was a gut wrenching helpless feeling. Even if we HAD been married, I would have done pretty much the same. Maybe offered a bit more convincing commitment, but not pressured her. She went through the abortion, and because it was so far along, she was traumatized. It seems common that they don't prep women fully for what "might" happen, and when you are pregnant, hormones are usually running close to maximum the further along you get. It takes two to make a child. It SHOULD take two to raise your children, and any family and friends that are close enough to help, too. It doesn't HAVE to take two, many times people are faced with no choice but to continue as a single parent, and props to those parents who do it alone. But it's almost always healthier to have two if it's a healthy relationship. "Staying together" for the kids in an unhealthy relationship rarely works, as you end up setting a bad example for the kids, and teaching by example is one of the easiest ways to raise your kids, and the easiest for them to learn. Be who you want your kids to be, be in the kind of relationship you want for your kids when they are grown. It will save you a lot of explaining, and trying to find the right time to explain, etc There is a lot of talk about abortion with the Texas law change, currently at "detectable heartbeat" which many are claiming is 6 weeks, which is all over the news. Some are saying it's more like 12 weeks, which is more reasonable, but there still seem to be plenty of ways for people to not find out in time to have that option. Of course, some want no abortion, the stance being life begins at conception, on the one extreme. And I certainly don't agree with those who voted for abortion all the way up until the baby is DELIVERED AT FULL TERM. I never have and never will, and that's from a science and mother nature viewpoint, not a religious one. When talking to people about this trying to find the MIDDLE ground, because that will make the most sense for everyone to be able to except and live together in the same community, it seems the "viability" argument can't go any farther than 20 weeks, because we have a half a dozen babies born at 21 weeks and some change who survived! 

In older times, they used the "quickening" when the mother can feel the baby start to move around, and kick and such, starting to exercise. 

This one is rough, and I'm not sure about posting it here, so I'll keep it short, in the hopes it helps others to be aware. My ex and I went through something very similar, almost to 6 months. Previously, I did not think I could handle a child with a major birth defect. We had 2 kids, our living and work situation was very unstable, relationship was unstable, I couldn't feel I could predict where we would be even a few months down the road, etc... but she had always been she'd love her baby no matter what, no matter any disability. When it came down to it, somewhere along the way, we found our daughter yet to be born, had a birth defect, an encephalocele . Her skull had not closed when forming, and her brain was only half inside. She was unlikely to survive birth, or for long if she did, but would likely be permanently and severely disabled, even if she did make it. So when we finally get to this point, all previous thoughts went out the window, and I felt no matter what, if she was strong enough to survive, then I would be strong enough to take care of her. Whatever it took. You think you know, but until you are in that moment.. that's when you know. My ex ALSO had a 180 degree reversal. She decided she could not do it. She was sure, or mostly sure, but time was short. There was a state legal limit for an abortion, and it was fast approaching. We were not married. I had no say. I could only tell her how I felt, as she had once felt, and respect her decision. It was a gut wrenching helpless feeling. Even if we HAD been married, I would have done pretty much the same. Maybe offered a bit more convincing commitment, but not pressured her. She went through the abortion, and because it was so far along, she was traumatized. It seems common that they don't prep women fully for what "might" happen, and when you are pregnant, hormones are usually running close to maximum the further along you get. It takes two to make a child. It SHOULD take two to raise your children, and any family and friends that are close enough to help, too. It doesn't HAVE to take two, many times people are faced with no choice but to continue as a single parent, and props to those parents who do it alone. But it's almost always healthier to have two if it's a healthy relationship. "Staying together" for the kids in an unhealthy relationship rarely works, as you end up setting a bad example for the kids, and teaching by example is one of the easiest ways to raise your kids, and the easiest for them to learn. Be who you want your kids to be, be in the kind of relationship you want for your kids when they are grown. It will save you a lot of explaining, and trying to find the right time to explain, etc There is a lot of talk about abortion with the Texas law change, currently at "detectable heartbeat" which many are claiming is 6 weeks, which is all over the news. Some are saying it's more like 12 weeks, which is more reasonable, but there still seem to be plenty of ways for people to not find out in time to have that option. Of course, some want no abortion, the stance being life begins at conception, on the one extreme. And I certainly don't agree with those who voted for abortion all the way up until the baby is DELIVERED AT FULL TERM. I never have and never will, and that's from a science and mother nature viewpoint, not a religious one. When talking to people about this trying to find the MIDDLE ground, because that will make the most sense for everyone to be able to except and live together in the same community, it seems the "viability" argument can't go any farther than 20 weeks, because we have a half a dozen babies born at 21 weeks and some change who survived! In older times, they used the "quickening" when the mother can feel the baby start to move around, and kick and such, starting to exercise. But this seems to range from 13 to 20 weeks.. usually 16 to 18? At least that's what my research is showing. The compromise to me, seems like it should be 16 weeks, half way between 12 and 20. Maybe down to 12 in your more conservative states, and up to 20 in your more liberal states, and otherwise 16 if people can't come to a consensus or vote. Now, as a parent, AND an Elder, I feel I need to remind you ideological people on both sides, ABORTIONS WILL HAPPEN whether legal or not! History has shown us how unhealthy and dangerous it can be when not legal at all, so the lower in weeks you go, the more dangerous abortions you'll end up having, across state lines, country lines, with bad doctors, in back alleys... etc. Though I suspect these days, with more untested "abortion pills", as easier to get, and then doctors can avoid the nazi like "anyone can report you for doing abortions" law, which sounds just as ridiculous as mandates, if not worse, seems like a step further, turning in your neighbor for not being vaxxed! And ANYONE who is PRO LIFE should be ready to have Sex Education and birth control as a good first line defense, should have programs for people who want to adopt because they can't have kids (and must be fully vetted and stable!), and needs to be helping with programs for helping parents and children to make sure everyone grows up healthy and loved, to breed out all the bad seeds that get abused when younger and pass it on to others when older. It's a pattern that has been around for a long time and must be broken. It is also the responsibility of EVERY adult in a community to protect and nurture the young, so they don't grow up to be a Hitler or Atilla the Hun! And to do that, you need to make sure all the adults are healthy, and keep the unhealthy ones away from the kids! Common Sense, don't trust blindly, err on the side of caution. Etc. Teach the kids as they grow how much responsibility it is to take care of all the kids, and you'll gain some natural free birth control right there! Don't let anyone be incentivized to collect dead baby parts, no matter how much they say it will help Science and Research, because more bad than good will come from it! And for the Love of everything Holy, STOP using the acronym and word STEM when talking Education and classes.. older generations only hear "Stem Cell Research" echoing through our heads from the 80s, and more conspiracies about Pizza Gate, eating babies, adrenochrome, and clones in the spotlight from the lizard people run rampant! Call it METS to avoid this, and why isn't Language in there? What good is being as smart as Einstein if you can't convey your ideas to others, or negotiate a better salary or contract, or teach your children the knowledge passed down to you to pass down to them, etc? So call it MELTS or SMELT.. Math, Engineering, Science, Technology seem like too much redundancy, and like they would prefer and army of androids over humans! So change one to something more HUMAN because we already know what happens when you try to make everyone into a robot and don't teach humans how to BE humans. It's a mess and not sustainable.

Social? Sociology? Synergy? Someone else can be InternetDAD or InternetMOM for a bit, I need to exit the matrix before I get stuck here...